Categories
parenting

Straight from the Mouth of a 4 Year Old

I thought about writing a flowery post for Alice’s birthday, but that would do us all a disservice. Instead, I invite you to sit back, relax, and enjoy Alice’s best quotes of the year:

Alice Advice

“Dad, it’s a little foggy out, so do your best” – to Chad while driving through rain

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“Drive slow, but be a little fast”

Alice Compliments

These Dino nuggets taste great! Last time you made them, they tasted like markers.

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After zooming in on a picture of my face “I have hair in my nose too, mom.”

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Why I have body image issues: “You have a hot dog booty and a pig face and pig legs”

Alice Logic

Alice saw me looking at a picture of newborn babies on Facebook. And she said, “are you gonna buy a baby or adopt a baby?”

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To her friend: did you know the sun could explode and everyone on earth would die?

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Me: Mommy is probably a little more grumpy than daddy.

Alice: more like a lot more. 

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Chad: hey girls, what does that cotton candy look like?

Alice: uh, moms hair?

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Avery: What’s better than cookies?

Alice: Grandma!

Avery: what’s better than grandma?

Alice: nothing!

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“If I was going to play hockey, I would go and sit on that spot where they rest (the bench) for the whole game.”

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“You can never have too much stuff!” 

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I have two friends named Gracie. One is named Gracie and one is named Gracie.

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Does anyone know which way your hands are supposed to go?

*Flips hands back and forth.

I like this way (palms down)- it’s my useful hand way.

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It’s hard to take care of 2 girls without a husband, right mom? (When Chad traveled for 2 days)

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“Everyone who comes to my birthday has to dress up as a star nose” 

Me: What’s a star nose?

“A kind of mole. And I will dress up as Wonder Woman”

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“I’m just an ordinary girl” (when explaining why she couldn’t try clam chowder)

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I can eat when I’m baking because I can eat with one hand and bake with the other. (MY GIRL!)

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I only have a few cries left, but they are really loud ones

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Mom! My left eye can’t fall asleep!

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“I thought it was markers, but now I know it’s my veins” (on the blue vein lines on her arms)

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An overheard bathroom conversation: “Maybe some of your alveoli dripped into your poop.”

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Alice: Siri is part of God

Me: No, Siri is not part of god. Why do you think that?

Alice: Because, Siri is always telling us where to go. 

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Me: Why don’t you put noses on the people you draw?

“Because, I like them that way and they look happier. “

Alice Weirdness

After blowing her nose: “did you see the smoke come out?”

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“It looks like a dead elephant squirting out his last water.” (Re: what a cloud looked like)

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“I have a video of her dying in the lava”- about the dead Barbie sister

Alice Anger

Get out of my room before I get to zero! *Speed counts from ten to zero

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“You’re not doing good as a mom if you are making us cry.”

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I have a case of the mean wiggles. I need someone or something to be mean to!

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Mad at Chad.

Me: should we put him in jail?

Alice: no! I want to put him in a cage!

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Go! Get out of here! Never return a-gain!

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I don’t forget treats. (After I ate her fruit roll-up, thinking she forgot about it)

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You wasted my time. The teacher said I had to eat all my healthy food before I could eat my cookies. There was too much healthy food!

Alice Learns

Avery: are they teaching you numbers in school?

Alice: no, they just teach us letters and how to use knives.

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“They are teaching me Spanish at preschool. “Gracias” means hello, and “see you later alligator” means goodbye “

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When telling me that they didn’t get to play on the playground today: “I wonder if the termites are back.”

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“China is real?!”

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“Mom, do people get sick from other people?”

Me: Yes

“Then what made the first person sick?”

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Church singer: the hand of the Lord will feed you

Alice: the ANT of the Lord??

Alice Cuteness

“When you get to heaven, can you ask God if he can send you back to earth for me?”

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“Thank you for this beautiful world.” @bedtime prayers 

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We gotta wait until it smells just like Grandmeres tomatoes (on when to pick a tomato) 

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Me: do you want French toast?

Alice: only with syrup, I declare 

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At whiskey tasting before every shot- whispered into my ear: “You’re going to wuv it”

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What are you doing Alice?

“Causing a ruckus!” 

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“I’m drawing a picture of our family. Aves, what color human do you want to be?”

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“Will you still be my mudder when I’m 10?”

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I’m fast, mom. I’m not a slowpoke junior 

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Happy Birthday, Alice Jane! We sure love you.

Mama